APRIL 2021

Figuring out that your mother needs to move into a nursing home is difficult on everybody. Often, deciding on the best nursing home for your budget and your mother’s needs is a multi-month process. As a result, if your mother states that she does not like her nursing home it can be heartbreaking. However, you should always do your due diligence before making accusations or moving your mother. Particularly, take the time to independently evaluate common complaints like roommate conflicts and food-related issues. Roommate troubles In the event that your mother and her roommate do not get along at all, a reputable nursing home will try and make a roommate swap if at all possible. However, keep in mind that if your mother has lived on her own for several years, adjusting to any roommate, no matter who it is, may be a major adjustment. Encourage your mother to try and work things out with her roommate at first brush. It is possible that the differences are irreconcilable, but unless you can afford a single room your mother will have to have a roommate of some sort. Food issues Particularly if your mother is a picky eater or likes specific ethnic cuisines, it is unlikely that even the best nursing home food will be up to her standards. Consider trying to visit the nursing home once or twice a week to eat dinner with your mother. This will allow you to ensure that the food is nutritious and adequate. It will also help your mother adjust: it may be less about the food at the nursing home, and more about the company.

Unexpected illnesses or injuries or simply the effects of age and time may bring about situations in which people can no longer speak or make decisions for themselves. Having advance care directives in place may help them indicate their preferences for medical care in such circumstances. However, naming someone to act as their health care proxy, or to make decisions on their behalf, may give people peace of mind that should the worst come to pass, the physicians treating them and their families will abide by their wishes. Considering some factors as they prepare to make their choice may help people to select the right person to name as their health care proxy. Do they share the same views and values? According to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, part of advance care planning may include naming a health care proxy. In making this decision, people may find it helpful to consider whether their potential choices share the same medical decision and life views and values. For example, someone who does not wish to have life-saving measures such as cardiopulmonary resuscitation performed may not benefit from choosing a pro-life family member to serve as a health care proxy. Will they struggle with end-of-life choices? According to the Washington State Department of Social and Health Services, when naming a health care proxy , people may consider whether their potential candidates may struggle to make end-of-life choices. Some family members or friends may find it too difficult because of the shared emotional connection to make decisions that may result in death. This may include, for instance, carrying out people’s wishes not to receive CPR or have a defibrillator used in the event their hearts stop. Will they speak up? When choosing a health care agent, people may also consider the personalities of those they may ask to take on this responsibility. Questions may come up or family members may need clarification on things. As such, people may consider whether the person they choose will stand up for their rights and speak up if they need a better explanation or answers before making decisions. Ultimately, the decision of whom to name as their health care agents lies with those making the choice. People must make their selections based on who they feel most comfortable entrusting with such important life-and-death responsibilities.

Your parent has been driving for 60 or more years. In the past few months, though, you suspect he or she can no longer safely operate a motor vehicle . Review these signs that an older family member should hang up the car keys to avoid serious auto accident injury. Cognitive symptoms Your parent may struggle to navigate the roads if he or she becomes confused, agitated or easily distracted . Some elders become afraid to drive and lose confidence after one or more minor incidents. Others may be unable to respond quickly to a hazard in the road. Vehicle red flags Do you notice that your parent’s vehicle has new dents, scratches and scrapes? Sometimes, he or she does not remember how these dings occurred. You might also find out that your parent has had recent fender benders or traffic tickets, even if he or she has always been a safe driver. Driving signs If you have concerns, try taking a ride in the car with your parent. You may notice that he or she: • Drives too slow or too fast • Fails to stop at red lights and intersections • Needs an environment without normal distractions such as road noise to concentrate on driving • Gets angry at other drivers or even shows “road rage” • Has difficulty seeing traffic and road signs • Lacks the strength to turn the wheel precisely • Confuses the gas and brake pedals  If you or other family members notice that an older loved one displays these issues, you should start the conversation about finding other modes of transportation.